I should mention, before I forget, that there won’t be a dressing up game tomorrow. The reason being I’ll be in Portsmouth filming possibly the greatest movie ever made. Or possibly not.

I will be lodging for the weekend at the home of my co-star el10t, with whom the script dictates I must, at some point over the weekend, be a bit more intimate than perhaps either of us would like. Which should be interesting. As long as he keeps his tongue inside his mouth I’ll be happy.

Incidentally, we have a bit of a casting problem. Our leading lady has had to drop out due to unforeseen circumstances, so now we’re frantically seeking a replacement. Ideally we’d like someone young, talented and bearing an uncanny resemblance to Cameron Diaz, but at this point we’ll consider anyone who doesn’t look like Cameron Macintosh. If anyone out there’s interested and doesn’t mind spending a few weekends in Portsmouth, get in touch.

Today has been spent doing last minute preparations. I’ve sorted out all the props and costumes that we need, I’ve worked out what we’re filming when, I’ve fiddled with a microphone, I’ve discussed production values and directorial techniques, I’ve made sure everyone knows what they’re doing, and I think I’m just about ready to start filming on the morrow.

Now all that’s left is to learn my lines.