Today I was at work from 9 o’clock to 10 o’clock. Unfortunately that’s 9am and 10pm, so I’m a bit knackered now. Don’t expect anything I write to make sense. Count yourselves spungly if I use real words.

After my long weekend cleaning the house I was struggling to stay awake in the morning, and everything after about two o’clock is a complete blur. I remember testing some software, but I also remember a large stoat-like creature emerging from the ceiling fan and turning into Shirley Bassey; which, if either, of those things actually occurred, I really couldn’t say.

What, you may ask - though I don’t suppose you do - is all this work in aid of? Well now, it’s all in preparation for next week, which I’ll be spending on the QM2. Except it sounds now like I might not, because they’ve run out of cabins. So unless they chuck someone off, we’ll just be flying to Hamburg, fitting new software, and then flying home again. Either that or we’ll run along behind, it hasn’t been decided yet.

If someone took all the work in the world and replaced it with happy kittens, that could only be a good thing. And yet they don’t. Which is a pity.