Right, I’m gonna make this quick coz I’m knackered.

Today began with a trip to Tesco to replenish my stock of cleaning products. The neighbour, who alerted me to the drainage problem, was in the garden at the time. I was hoping to sneak past without him saying anything, because it would inevitably be something along the lines of “Have you told the landlord about the drainage problem yet?” to which I’d have to reply “No, I’ve got to frantically scrub the place clean before I can call him out so he doesn’t find out what depths of squalor and fetid putrescence I’ve reduced the place to.”

To avoid this line of conversation I slipped out stealthily and made a dash for the car. The neighbour accosted me en route.

“Have you told the landlord about the drainage problem yet?” he said.

“Yes, of course,” I said.

So I made my way to Tesco where I bought one of more or less everything in the cleaning products aisle, including one revolutionary item which promised to remove even the most stubborn stains with ease. It turned out to be a small piece of sponge.

The rest of the day was spent scrubbing and dusting and hoovering and tidying, though I did have a break in the afternoon. For about five hours. But I got the job done, and was left exhausted.

After all that hard work I needed a nice relaxing bath. So I ran one, only to realise that my only decent towel had got drenched when I enlisted it to assist me in cleaning the bathroom, and I therefore had nothing to dry myself on, which rather stymied my plan to bathe.

And now I need food, and my microwave just beeped to tell me that food is waiting so I’m off. Night night.