Having decided to go for a Rasul Exotic Body Treatment for Two, we were faced with the issue of where to have it. There’s one not too far from here, but there’s also one in Stratford-upon-Avon, which I remembered from previous visits being a lovely little town with lots of interesting things to do, so I suggested we book a night in a hotel and make a weekend of it.

We tootled down to Stratford on Friday, and after a walk around the town I was beginning to worry that there was less to do there than I remembered, possibly due to it not being the middle of summer like it was last time I was there, and the RSC not having anything decent on at the minute (really, who wants to see The Tempest? No one, that’s who). “Oh no!” I was thinking to myself. “This weekend’s going to be a disaster, and Jess will hate me for suggesting it, and then she’ll dump me and I’ll turn to drink and die in a gutter!”

But as it turned out, we had a jolly nice time. We had dinner at possibly the BEST RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD. It wasn’t the absolutely best food or the absolutely best service or the absolutely best ambiance or the absolutely best prices that I’ve ever experienced, but it wasn’t far off for any of them, so it probably was the best combination of all those things. And it was right next door to the hotel, so I can’t even criticise the distance. Not that it would really be the restaurant’s fault if we were staying somewhere else.

Then the next day we went and had a nosy in Anne Hathaway’s cottage (she didn’t seem to mind), and thence to the spa for our rasul.

It was great! Jess and I got left in this relaxing temple place, with different coloured muds for rubbing into different bits of our bodies. I resisted the urge to make a Morph. Then while you’re rubbing those in, steam starts to come out of the ceiling and the temperature rises, so it’s a bit like a sauna but dirtier. The idea is that the heat opens your pores and the nutrients from the mud seep in. I presume it’s some special mud they’ve made in a lab, not something they’ve dug up in the garden. I didn’t notice any worms, anyway.

Then when you’re all hot and muddy and sweaty, showers magically switch themselves on and you clean yourself up.

I haven’t really done it justice here, but it was a very relaxing, soothing, romantic and otherwise pleasant experience, and you should do it too.

And now you know all about my lovely weekend.