How busy have I been? I’ll tell you how busy - I’ve spent every spare minute writing my novel, and I haven’t written a word of it for about a month. That’s how busy I’ve been.

So I’m rather pleased to now be relaxing on my Christmas holiday at Jess’s mum’s house, where she’s scheduled to cook a big Christmas dinner for the whole extended family in her gas oven. So there was some concern when the local gas substation blew up on Monday. Plan Bs were hastily contrived, but then last night the gas came back on, with the gas board advising people (apparently - they never advised us) not to use it until they’ve been round and checked it won’t make your house do the same thing as the substation. I don’t suppose anyone paid any attention, but most of the buildings in the street still seem to be standing, so I think they got away with it.

Meanwhile, I purchased an alcohol-based item in Morrisons - it’s a Christmas present, so I’ll remain vague about its precise nature because you never know who’s reading. When I went to check out, the woman at the till asked me if I was 25. It told her I was, and she was satisfied.

As I understand it, the rule is that if I look under 25 she has to ask for ID to make sure I’m over 18. Whether I actually am 25 is neither here nor there, and she didn’t ask for any ID so I could have been lying anyway. I think she must have been off sick the day they did that bit on her training course.

Still, it’s nice to know I look like I might be under 25. A week from now my girlfriend won’t even be a teenager, so as you can imagine I’m feeling very old.

And the other day I saw David Attenborough on the telly - well actually he was just a voiceover, I saw some kind of monkey, but I heard David Attenborough - positing that it may be impossible to think without language. This is one of those stupid, ridiculous ideas that you’d think no one with half a brain would give serious consideration to for more than a thirty-seventh of a second, and yet every now and again otherwise intelligent people give the impression that they actually believe it, like religion, or thinking Little Britain qualifies as comedy. Possibly Sir Attenborough has never had a thought that he struggled to put into words, or pictured something in his mind, or performed mental feats at higher speed than the English language would allow. Well, I’d like to see him play Whack-a-Mole without executing a single motor function that he didn’t first specify out loud, like programming a turtle on the BBC Micro. He’d do rubbish.

Actually I’d just like to see him play Whack-a-Mole.

And that’s all I’ve got to say for now. Happy Christmas!

What do you mean, I haven’t blogged for over a month? You must be getting me mixed up with someone else.

So much has happened. Jess has got a part time job at a care home, which seems to mainly involve larking about at bowling alleys and concerts*. Apparently last night they went to a concert performed by people with learning difficulties, which I’m sure was excellent, but it just makes me think of Ralph Wiggum with a flute up his nose.

* There may also be an element of giving people baths and getting covered in spit.

I’m addicted to Christopher Brookmyre. I read one of his books years ago, when I found it in a geocache, and though I thought it was jolly good I unaccountably failed to follow it up with furious Amazon shopping for the rest of the canon. Then last year I spotted a few of his works in Waterstones and have since read the lot, and now that I’ve run out I’ve started again from the beginning. I’m hoping they’ll keep me going until A Snowball in Hell comes out in paperback.

Yes, I’m addicted, but I still wait for the paperback. It’s a matter of principle. Though what the principle is I have no idea.

We did some more muralling - Transformers this time - but you’ll have to wait until we’ve finished before I show you pictures, and I doubt we’ll fit any more in now before Christmas. Oh, did I mention it’s nearly Christmas? I’m all excited! I’ve been surprisingly efficient this year and done nearly all my shopping already, which seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I’ve somehow got to resist giving people their presents for nearly three whole weeks. That may not happen.

Anyone want a present?