Gosh, it’s been a long time. All sorts of things have been going on, not all of them good. We’ll draw a veil over the PuzzleDonkey Database Incident and never mention it again (well, I won’t. I’m sure everyone else will), and if that was the only undesirable incident to have occurred since last we spoke, I’d be a happier boy and my mum would still be draining away my inheritance on vet’s bills for the world’s illest cat. RIP Charlie.

And if they were the only undesirable incidents to have occurred since last we spoke, Jess would have had her first driving lesson this morning, but in the event she had to cancel on the grounds that even the world’s best tutor couldn’t teach her to drive safely whilst doubled up in pain. We’re not quite sure what’s wrong with her, but I made an early morning trip to Asda for some magic beans and she seems somewhat improved. I’ll go and poke her with a stick in a minute and see what happens.

I’m sure there must be some less depressing news I could share with you, but none that spring to mind. I’ll get back to you as soon as I think of any.

Now I’ll go and poke Jess with that stick.