Had a problem she just couldn't solive.

She could not peel plums

With non-opposable thumbs,

But no doubt one day she'll evolive.

We try to write poetry triter,

Up top row our Qwerty typewriter.

It should be illegal

To cover a seagull

In marmalade, syrup

And honey and treagle.

While playing the Goldberg Variations one night,

My dog gave a visiting stranger a fright.

"Don’t let him alarm you,"

I said; "He won’t harm you -

His Bach is much worse than his bite."

I wonder what it’s like to be a woman,

And have a pair of boobies on your front.

I’d feel kind of silly if I didn’t have a willy

But I’d like to stick bananas up my continued on page 37.

A charming young lady, a Greek,

"My body’s a temple!" would shriek.

Then when asked to expand

Said "My door’s open and

"The whole village comes in once a week."

There was a young lady from China

Whose lovers would usually sign her.

Most times on her bum,

But I hear there were some

Who'd recline her and sign her somewhere else.

I once heard a gentleman say

To a girl: "Suck my **** and I'll pay."

But she later complained

It was nicotine-stained,

And now she's on forty a day.

There once was a bishop named Berkley

Who viewed his own senses quite starkly.

He walked into a chair

That he thought wasn’t there,

And limped away, muttering darkly.

There was a philosopher, Plato,

Who explained perfect forms to a mate, oh;

Then his daughter he met,

Who’d the least perfect yet;

She was built like a King Edward potato.

To earn some cash I’ll have a bash

At writing verse like Ogden Nash.

There’s nothing worse than rhymes writ rashly:

I’d rather write them Ogden Nashly.

I have a gift for poetry,

In that I’m rather lucky.

I find the words quite easy but

The rhymes are sometimes trucky.

Anita has a fishing net;

She wishes it was vaster.

She tries to catch spaghetti

But it keeps on getting pasta.

Miss Trolloppe is a cannibal;

Her appetite defeats her.

A friend takes her to Italy;

Alas, Miss Trolloppe pizza.

If you attach a warhead to your forehead,

People will be horrid about your forehead.

A bird was born in a meat by-

Product processing plant.

She imprinted on a tub of lard

And married Russell Grant.

I don’t know what the fuss is,

Cooking’s easy if you try.

Just take two octopusses

And you’ve got an octopi.